Comments for Grieving Dads https://grievingdads.com To the Brink and Back Fri, 03 Nov 2017 23:37:34 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.1 Comment on Tell Your Story by Kelly Farley https://grievingdads.com/tell-your-story/#comment-3172 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 23:37:34 +0000 http://www.GrievingDads.com/?page_id=1024#comment-3172 So very sorry Steve. It is unbearable pain and you going back to pouring concrete was your way to try and keep going. Our systems are shocked and we do not know how to handle/respond to the pain so we try to keep doing what we know, I did. I tried to keep my mind and body distracted but it eventually caught up with me. Keep building your home, spend the time thinking and talking to them, build it for them. They know what their dad is doing. There is therapy in work that doesn’t require a lot of mental thinking. You have to be there for yourself before you can be there for your wife. This is an individual fight and a team fight depending on the day. Do not neglect your own pain because it will not stay ignored for very long. You will have to deal with it at some time. I get the not excited about Christmas, how could you be? You pictured family together, happy and healthy for the holidays. My holiday are not the same, I could really care less. I don’t have living children so its just my wife and I (and our dog.) But its like “what’s the point?”

Keep telling you story. Spend time hear. Find a support group. Read my book. Connect with others that are carrying this burden.

Wishing you peace.

Kelly

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Comment on Tell Your Story by Steve https://grievingdads.com/tell-your-story/#comment-3171 Fri, 03 Nov 2017 11:22:32 +0000 http://www.GrievingDads.com/?page_id=1024#comment-3171 I couldn’t have been happier. Our twins were perfect. The day we broke ground on a house we designed to raise them and retire in they passed away. Less than 24 hours after they passed I was im a complete fog, barely functioning and working to pour concrete, that’s fucking sick. Now I’m stuck in a living nightmare. Every day I work to build their home. I haven’t found a way to deal with that yet I just move forward. I try to take solace that I got to spend their last moments comforting them. Its unbearable pain, a mixture of sadness over losing them and sadness for them. I try to be there for my wife but I don’t know how. As Christmas approaches and we move into their home we aren’t excited. I just don’t care anymore. They took such a huge piece of both of us and continue to do so every day. We want more children but we don’t. We want our sons back. Sorry S+B for how things worked out, you will always be with us, we love you.

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Comment on “Behind the Scenes” by Kelly Farley by Don Begier https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/10/31/behind-the-scenes-by-kelly-farley/#comment-3170 Wed, 01 Nov 2017 03:04:56 +0000 https://grievingdads.com/?p=5044#comment-3170 This video brought back so many vivid memories of the decisions we had to make the week Beau died. Decisions I never thought we’d have to make. For me the worst was when the funeral home told us they did not think he was viewable. He was hurt so badly they believed it would be too traumatic for us to see him. This makes me very sad.

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Comment on “Behind the Scenes” by Kelly Farley by Steve Schumacher https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/10/31/behind-the-scenes-by-kelly-farley/#comment-3169 Tue, 31 Oct 2017 21:41:20 +0000 https://grievingdads.com/?p=5044#comment-3169 Burned into my mind was the final goodbye after our daughter was stillborn. However, being the father and trying to protect my wife, everything I thought of was about supporting her and helping her through this time, but it turned out to be the best thing we could have done.

Being alone in Minnesota with no family in town, I told the nurse to give us 30 minutes with our daughter and then come in to take her. Give us one more time to say goodbye. During that time, I sat on the bed with my wife, holding our daughter. We talked to her, sang to her, kissed her. It was such a special time we had.

I could talk about all of the other experiences from telling the family to comforting the funeral director who was crying, but I’ll save that for another time.

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Comment on Tell Your Story by Chris Lanphere https://grievingdads.com/tell-your-story/#comment-3168 Mon, 16 Oct 2017 21:39:51 +0000 http://www.GrievingDads.com/?page_id=1024#comment-3168 On Nov. 16, 2010 I became a 1st time father to a beautiful 2lb 10oz little girl name Haleigh Renea Lanphere… She was strong, amazin g, and so full of joy. Haleigh taught me how to love and how to be a better husband and father. I felt like my world was complete. Then on July 10, 2016, my world was changed forever when Haleigh passed away at the age of 2. I feel like my world is over. Like i have nothing else to live for. Really I can’t put into words how I feel. My wife and I go by one motto…. #HaleighStrong

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Comment on Tell Your Story by Christopher https://grievingdads.com/tell-your-story/#comment-3167 Mon, 16 Oct 2017 14:51:55 +0000 http://www.GrievingDads.com/?page_id=1024#comment-3167 I come from a family of males. My dad is one of 4 boys. My mom had 2 older brothers. I have an older brother. That older brother has 2 sons. I’d always hoped that when I had kids, I’d break the family pattern, and have a daughter. So when my wife told me last year that she was pregnant with our first child, I immediately started to think about that very possibility. Everyone says “it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as the baby is healthy”. Of course it didn’t matter. But deep down, I’d always wanted a little girl. In my eyes, there’s no bond like the one between a father and his daughter. So, when we cut open that cake, and found the pink icing on the inside, I was absolutely over the moon. I immediately started thinking about how my life was going to change. I imagined chasing her around the house, seeing her face light up when I walked in the door from work, walking her down the aisle one day. All of those things. But most of all, I was happiest for my parents, who would finally have that elusive granddaughter. Although her two cousins were bummed that they wouldn’t have another boy to play with, we knew that they would both be

Unfortunately, at 20 weeks, everything changed. During my wife’s scan, her doctors noticed thickness around our daughter’s neck. After some additional testing, they recommended that we visit Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. So we made the trip from NY to Philly, and spent an entire day with the maternal-fetal medicine specialists at CHOP. My wife underwent every test you can imagine. After a full day of tests, we were given the diagnosis that our daughter had a fetal cystic lymphangioma. This mass was under her skin, and took up most of the right side of her neck and jawline. Lymphangiomas intertwine themselves with nerves, muscle tissue, veins, arteries, etc. – making them extremely dangerous, and almost impossible to fully remove. Hers started right below her ear, and went down from there. When the doctors painted the picture of what life would be like for her if we moved forward, it was not a pretty one. She’d be resigned to a life of occupational therapy for speech and chewing/swallowing, physical therapy, breathing tubes, feeding tubes. She could possibly have trouble hearing. All of these things were IF she even lived through the birthing procedure. There was no way of knowing if she’d even leave the hospital. On top of that, the size of the mass was already affecting our daughter’s ability to swallow – leading my wife’s amniotic fluid levels to be much higher than they should have been at this point in her pregnancy. If the mass continued to grow rapidly, it could restrict blood flow to her brain, and force my wife into early labor. If we moved forward, there would be risks for both my wife, and the baby. The procedure to “give birth” would be a major surgery, putting my wife’s life at risk, as well as her ability to give birth naturally (or at all) in the future. We talked through it for days, but knew pretty early on that we’d have to make the most difficult choice that either of us had ever had to make. We ultimately decided to not move forward with the pregnancy. Although I knew in my heart that we were making the right decision, I still felt absolutely helpless. I couldn’t bring myself to accept the fact that I would never experience all of the things that I’d hoped I would. In the end, based on my wife’s wishes, I got the chance to hold my daughter – Amelia Jean. I will never forget those few hours that I spent holding her. For those few hours, I felt what it was really like to be her father (even though I always will be). I have her footprints and her name tattooed on my right wrist, and I end every day by kissing her goodnight. I know that she’s watching over my wife and I, and I know that she’ll be there in the future to watch over her brothers and sisters.

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Comment on “Guy Grief” by Kelly Farley by Kelly Farley https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/02/22/guy-grief-by-kelly-farley/#comment-3166 Tue, 10 Oct 2017 22:12:52 +0000 http://grievingdads.com/?p=1574#comment-3166 Hi Tom. I am very sorry for the loss of your son Corey. If you don’t mine, I will ask other dads if they are located near you or if not, willing to connect with you to help you through the pain. Wishing you peace my friend. This is hard, I know it all to well.

Kelly

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Comment on “Guy Grief” by Kelly Farley by Tom wasilewski https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/02/22/guy-grief-by-kelly-farley/#comment-3165 Sat, 07 Oct 2017 04:58:15 +0000 http://grievingdads.com/?p=1574#comment-3165 I lost my 20 year old son Corey February 27th of this year 2017 since Joining your site I don’t feel so alone I was just wondering if you play done coming to Massachusetts any time soon I live in West Bridgewater Massachusetts it was also wondering if there was any other way to get in contact with any of the other grieving fathers that have lost an older teenage son What is the early twenties .Thank you very much for what you bring to us Grieving dad’s .

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Comment on “You Will Never Understand” by Tom wasilewski https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/09/14/you-will-never-understand/#comment-3164 Sat, 07 Oct 2017 04:29:33 +0000 https://grievingdads.com/?p=5031#comment-3164 It’s been 7 months since I lost my 20 year old son in a tragic car crash my only child and I’m still completely ruined and at times suicidal I’m seeing therapist in counseling And I’m on antidepressants and it’s not helping at all I just don’t know what to do anymore and the top it all off the person responsible is only facing 2 years in jail it is being arraigned right before Christmas please help .

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Comment on “You Will Never Understand” by Philip Strand https://grievingdads.com/blog/2017/09/14/you-will-never-understand/#comment-3163 Thu, 05 Oct 2017 19:24:51 +0000 https://grievingdads.com/?p=5031#comment-3163 Like that beautiful song ,Who you’d be today, we wear the pain “like a heavy coat”.

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