Comments for Grieving Dads To the Brink and Back Fri, 07 Jul 2017 05:29:28 +0000 hourly 1 Comment on Tell Your Story by MR TOM WILLIN Fri, 07 Jul 2017 05:29:28 +0000 My life is so unpredictable! The doctors could never stabilize her blood pressure! The doctors could not have said that the tumor was able to be surgically removed!! Because of the large size of the smooth muscle mass tumor!! The circumference was 21cm. X 18cm. X 25 cm. Patient with a devastated loss of blood after a first attempt for surgical removal had failed!! The doctors decided to treat the tumor by using chemotherapy!! Well things that shouldn’t have happened, happened!!! The chemotherapy caused severe toxic shock due to the effects on the tumor and on the renal functions!! In just 24 hours after the chemotherapy, my dear wife was fighting a losing battle that took her life 48 hours later!!! All the loss from just 1 injection of chemotherapy!! I am totally in shock and overwhelmed by her passing!! My guilt is tearing me apart!! I can’t eat, drink or sleep!! It’s like I’m living in the graveyard!! I wish I could go back and change things altogether but I know I cannot!! I wish I could go back in time!! My life is over as I knew it!!! Please help me!! Tom w.

Comment on “Father’s Day – Grieving Dads Emotions” by Kelly Farley by Paul Sinsar (Ajax Minor) Thu, 29 Jun 2017 01:19:38 +0000

The link above will bring up an essay i wrote about Father’s Day. Linda and I lost our daughter in 1992 to a horrendous birth accident. I’ve managed to climb out of the ‘black hole’ by writing a fantasy series, The Ur Legend, under the name Ajax Minor.
i also am thrilled Kelly connected with the Today Show!! I was interviewed on the Ed Tyll talk radio show. For our story check:

Congrats Brother Kelly for getting the story of fathers out there.

Comment on “Emerge from Darkness” by Kelly Farley by Justin Mon, 26 Jun 2017 23:21:30 +0000 Thank you i really needed this.

Comment on “Father’s Day – Grieving Dads Emotions” by Kelly Farley by Paul Sinsar (Ajax Minor) Sun, 25 Jun 2017 23:11:44 +0000 Brian. Tears me up to hear about your struggle with Grief. My wife, Linda, and I lost our only child, Katherine, to the effects of a catastrophic birth accident. We both followed different paths but have come to grips with the tragedy. For my part, I gave my daughter another life in a fantasy series, The Ur Legend. Rather than blather on I’ll attach two links to essays I’ve written in connection with the release of the second book, The Girl from ipanema. One is on Father’s Day and the second on Grief and Art:

Luv ya brother.

Paul Sinsar

Comment on Tell Your Story by Bob Burdt Sun, 25 Jun 2017 20:22:21 +0000 There’s a hole in my heart and a wondering that will never leave, and yet, I have had a great life.

His name was Brandon, and he was my son, my first child, the one who made me a father. This was his first gift.

Brandon died on Good Friday, April 13th. He never lived to see age two. His birth was the happiest day of my life, and every day for the first six months, my heart expanded daily as I watched this sweet, good-natured baby smile and blossom.

With little warning, everything changed and when we took him to the doctor, we learned he had an incurable heart defect. My joy turned to fear and a sadness more profound than I’d ever known or could have imagined. As I fought to save my son’s life and make every day of his life the best it could be, I also discovered a courage within myself I didn’t know existed. That was Brandon’s second gift.

We never gave up trying to save his life. Brandon spent the days, weeks, and months prior to his death in and out of Children’s Hospital in Oakland, California. When he was home, we had to drain the fluids from his lungs every four hours to keep him comfortable. I experienced every grimace of pain with him. Those times when he felt well, his contagious smiles and giggles brightened my days. This was his third gift: he taught me that when life is going well, celebrate and don’t hang on to yesterday’s pain. Maybe his real lesson was that pain teaches us to celebrate any chance we have to experience happiness.

Brandon died thirty-seven years ago and as I write this, my body shudders as it recalls those days and nights I spent helplessly watching my baby suffer as his life was being stolen. Until Brandon became ill and died, I had never experienced grief. Grief was just a word, something that happened to other people. Once he was gone, my grief felt like I lived in a barren forest destroyed by fire. No beauty to be seen no matter where I looked—just total, unrelenting devastation. Being a man, I was expected to stay strong, and while I could pretend to anyone looking from the outside, inside I was a shadow of the man I’d been.

When Brandon was undergoing treatment at Children’s Hospital, my wife and I didn’t want him to be alone, so one of us was always there. The hospital had no accommodations for us or other parents, so I would spend each night sleeping under his crib so I could remain close to him. Unfortunately, for reasons known only to them, many parents I met were unable stay with their children.

Although my grief was all-consuming, I believed Brandon’s life had to have meaning beyond the still unimaginable fact that he was gone. I got together with a few other parents I’d met when we were at the hospital and together we decided to raise money for a home so that parents would have a place to stay close by. There were many fundraisers, and meetings with hospital executives and local businesses. Getting involved and knowing I was doing something to help others helped me cope with my grief. My forest was devastated but I began to see new trees and flowers and hear the birds singing. This was Brandon’s fourth gift: he added meaning and purpose to my life and to the lives of many others.

Brandon gave me the gift of fatherhood and love, and his courage enabled me to reach out to others, knowing it was more important to do something which would honor Brandon’s life rather than sink down forever in a hole. I wanted the joy of his life to mean more than the pain of his loss. Brandon lived and because he did, I learned to celebrate life whenever there’s an opportunity, and to be a better father to my two sons who never knew their older brother.

I will always miss Brandon, but because of him, I learned compassion, love, and how to listen to others when they are hurting without having a need to fix, judge, or change. That was his fifth gift: he made me a better man, husband, father, and friend.

These were Brandon’s lasting gifts: Live with joy, laugh often, be kind, show compassion, focus on what’s good, love with all your heart, and celebrate life as often as possible.

Comment on Today Show – Grieving Dads – Father’s Day by Mike Zarrillo Mon, 19 Jun 2017 01:15:49 +0000 Kelly, thank you for sharing. The message came at a good time for me personally. I needed this message. Been a tough day missing my Matthew so much. Thanks for all you do.

Comment on Today Show – Grieving Dads – Father’s Day by Marc perez Sun, 18 Jun 2017 18:39:01 +0000 This video had me in tears the moment I pressed play! Thank you for sharing with us! Your words were very powerful! I lost my 9 month old son just a year ago on June 3rd. Today is especially hard for me! And I appreciate people like you! God Bless you ! And HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Comment on Today Show – Grieving Dads – Father’s Day by Dana Sun, 18 Jun 2017 16:44:53 +0000 A peaceful fathers day to you also, Kelly. Thank you.

Comment on Today Show – Grieving Dads – Father’s Day by Erik W. Sun, 18 Jun 2017 16:17:53 +0000 Thank you Kelly for sharing this! It is one of the biggest messages that the world needs to hear and I hope someday everyone can shift their minds in a way that helps everyone during their grief life. Your blog is truly an inspiration to me and I feel so blessed to have found it. Thank you again for sharing your grief with the world and I’m sorry for your loss.

Comment on “Father’s Day – Grieving Dads Emotions” by Kelly Farley by Brian Laarveld Sun, 18 Jun 2017 07:42:30 +0000 I am not looking forward to this day at all. Although I am fortunate to have 3 living children my family is incomplete. It will be 6 years in December that our 4th child Delcan was stillborn. I am no better today than I was then. Father’s day is not a day I am excited to celebrate as it feels like a forced holiday for my family. I don’t feel like I have been a good father or husband. I honestly just want to disappear.