The feeling of guilt and failure is something that all of us grieving dads deal with, it can be unbearable at times.
What did you feel guilty about?
Why did you feel like you failed?
Please share your thoughts so others do not feel alone.
Peace.
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I failed because I didn’t teach my son well enough about the dangers of drinking and driving. I feel guilty because two of his friends died with him and a third has life changing head injuries. So many lives lost or altered… was it due to my negligence? Knowing that he and his friends were in their early twenties, so legally adults who have received eduction and warnings about drinking and driving, does little to reduce my guilt. I wasn’t a good enough teacher.
I felt like a failure because I thought i should have been more strict. I wish I had not let him go out with his friends the night he was killed.
Hi Kelly – It has been 15 months since my 18 year old daughter passed away. Your post is so true, the guilt and feeling like I failed and let her down is overwhelming. 17 months earlier we found out she had Type 1 Diabetes, she died of complications from the disease. A day and a half prior she had flu like symptoms, I beat myself up daily that I did not get her help or to the hospital. We had been to the hospital 3 times in that 17 month period and the ER staff told us each time it was not a danger and minimalized the threat. My baby girl and I let her down and with the worst possible result.
Hi Kelly – This email was sent the day after my daughter’s birthday. She would have been 4 years old on 1/29. The memories &, emotions from 4 years ago are all resurfacing. I felt guilty that I couldn’t protect her. Although her medical problems were present before she was born, seeing my newborn daughter hooked up to machines for her 3 days on earth – i felt like I failed at being her protector. I felt helpless. Knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help her get better and I had to watch the doctors and nurses help comfort her while she was fighting. But there were too many complications and her body couldn’t continue holding on….. it was the lowest i’ve ever felt – leaving the hospital without my daughter. felt like the worse dad ever.
I remember, when Reilly was less than 6 months old, feeding her in the middle of the night in our rocking chair. I remember promising her I would never let anything hurt her. I was her dad and wanted to be her Superman. But when she was diagnosed with leukemia, I was powerless. I pledged to protect her. I was her dad and I couldn’t save her. I know I did everything I could and was there for her every day throughout her illness and treatment. I know it’s irrational, but I have hated myself and felt such enormous guilt that I couldn’t save her from cancer. She was my little girl. I am her dad and it was my job to protect her.
The exact same happened to me. I made a promise when my son Lukas was born to be there for him, no matter what. I did…but the Leukaemia was stronger and killed him last week on the 12 of March 2018. He was only four and four months. People say, don’t feel guilty, but I feel so powerless.