This video is about a recent conversation I had with a doctor. I know its his job, but he was asking questions about why I took Lexapro. I told him it was for the depression that I was diagnosed with after losing two children. The tone of the conversation changed from formal to more sympathetic. I appreciate that he didn’t run from the conversation. In fact, he shared with me that he lost his wife 5 years ago and that it was a hard time in his life. He also shared with me that one of his friends has lost two of four brothers in their mid 40’s to heart disease. The dad of all 4 of the sons is still alive at 87 and struggles with his losses. I told him it doesn’t matter what age, it hurts. I gave him a copy of my book to give to the 87 year old grieving dad.
Have you ever been in a situation where people ask questions regarding your loss that you really don’t want to answer?
I don’t mind talking about my losses, but I do get embarrassed a little when I mention I take an antidepressant, even after all of this time, it still bothers me. I feel like I have to justify it by saying I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression due to the loss of my kids. I know I shouldn’t feel that way about it, but I do.
Thanks on the video and the answer is “yes”, there has been many times I don’t want to answer them and times where I am comfortable to answer their question. It just depends on my emotional level at that moment and the setting.
It has just past 4 years for our sons loss and its taken that long just to be able to talk about it, but believe me I can isolate myself very quick as it can trigger that, “oh no, he is gone feeling” and it spirals from there, down and I am flush with emotion and the deep loss real quick.
Taking meds is just fine and I did for a couple years and then you think you can do it on your own and you can’t. I started again and quit again and now my wife thinks I should be back on again and she is more than likely right. PTSD is probably my term as well and I fight it a lot and a lot. You so much want to be who you were and have those old feelings and you just can not get there, no matter how hard you try. Don’t get me wrong, its better, a lot better on the healing, the pain, the “how comes”, but it doesn’t take much to upset the cart.
As you have said before and I tell people, your never over it, never. Its a daily grind, a thought, a glimpse in your mind of them, anything that triggers those emotions, the pain.
Its all ok….