Mother’s Day Struggle

Not sure about the rest of you grieving dads out there, but this weekend is usually more difficult for me than Father’s Day. I am never really sure how to approach it with my wife.

I want to honor her as a mother, but I also know it’s a tough day for her. Not only is it day for her to celebrate being a mom to Katie and Noah, it’s also a day that reminders her that she is a mother to two beautiful children that are no longer here. I don’t want to inflict pain by making a big deal over the day, but I also don’t want to ignore the fact that she is a wonderful mom to our children. I also know I cannot take away the pain from this day.

I know there are many grieving mom’s out there that follow this blog. To them and all of the other grieving moms, I wish you a peaceful Mother’s Day filled with warm memories of your child(ren).

I plan on planting spring flowers and relaxing with my wife this Mother’s Day weekend.

How are you going to spend the day?



Photo Credit: Monkiiiey Henry Clark via Compfight cc

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User Comments ( 9 )

  • Matthew

    This has been on my mind a lot over the past few months since we lost our son. I’m going to get a card and I think that I might be bringing flowers home on Friday because I don’t want to leave my wife during Mother’s Day. I might cook a special meal for her. I plan to pray with her too.

  • Amy reis

    I would also like to thank Kelly so much for his book. It eased my heart and mind in ways that I cannot even explain.

    • Wow. Thank you for letting me that it has helped you as a mom as well. It means a lot to me that this book goes beyond grieving dads in its reach. Peace. Kelly

  • Amy reis

    Hi dads…I know that this was last year, but if you see this – may I share my favorite Mothers’ Day gift from my husband? It was a wonderful, very short book (10 minute read) “You are the Mother of All Mothers”. It is one of my most prized items in life.

    Much love to you all

  • Mario

    Hi All,

    This is the first time I’ve spoken about the sadness I feel after the loss of my beautiful little girl. It’s been 3yrs now and I’m glad I found this group of people to share with. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or just any sunny day in general the pain is still so strong. I know I must be the rock for both my wife and my beautiful daughter but I have truly been altered into something I most fear, weak.

    Anger has now consumed me though my wife and daughter shall never know and I find myself often walking the halls of the hospital where where my princess spent her final days. I’ve become immune to pain and have found peace in suffering.

    I can only live by what I now know to be normal and bring joy to those around me as this is something I know I will never feel completely again.

    Stay strong.

    • Mario – First time in 3 years is a lot to carry around with you my friend. Feel free to share/vent here anytime, you need to get it out.

      As men we do feel like we need to be the “rock” for everyone around us, but I believe that is a lie that we’ve been told since we were children. As dads, we also need to feel and share the pain of losing our child. You are not weak, I thought I was for a long time, but realized its takes a heck of strong person to allow yourself to be transparent and vulnerable.

      Anger is normal, its what men are allowed to be by society standards. Hell, I am still pissed off about what happened, but it doesn’t consume me. It directs/motivates me to be a dad that my children would have been proud of.

      Not sure of you have rad my book, I talk about a lot of the stuff you are feeling right now. Everything you are sharing and feeling is a normal response, read the book if you have not, I think it will shed some light on your journey.

      Wishing you peace my friend. Keep telling your story.


  • Christian

    I agree with this sentiment. Even though we are bereaved we are still Fathers. As much as our wives are still Mother’s. Therefore they should be celebrated. I sent my wife flowers (I was out of the country on business).

  • Jeremy Ibarra

    I feel the same way. This weekend is extremely hard for both of us as it is not only Mother’s Day but also marks our son Joshua’s first birthday. Our plan is to spend time at the cemetery to celebrate both. W plan to read to our son while we are there. Before he passed we were able to finish reading the wizard of oz and only a few hours later our son was gone. So we are going to start the second book in the series after which we plan to have a balloon release. After which we will be going to a few places to try and pay for someone brithday cake at a local stores. I wish I could do more for Monique. I just sometimes feel so lost. I got her flowers and a card. I feel like this weekend I’m going to have to be a million time stronger then I am to help her.

  • Donald Begier

    You nailed it again. This is exactly how I feel.

    We are going to have nice dinner with one of our two daughters and her husband. I am going to try a Ribeye roast. Peace to all the grieving mothers this weekend.