This video is about the feeling of comfort I get when sitting with other grieving parents. I don’t necessarily mean in a support group or having a discussions about losing our children. I mean in just general conversation at work or wherever, if I know the other person has been through the loss of a child, I get the same feeling as being in the comfort of my own home. Just knowing the other person has an understanding of what I’ve been through takes away any walls that I have built up.
What is your thoughts on this subject?
A new man was hired in the welding department and a friend told me that 2 yrs. previously he had lost 2 of his children in a house fire. After working with him for a few days I brought up that I had heard he had lost a child and that I was sorry. He took a step back and kind of looked at me funny as if I may say something stupid. People have said inconsiderate things to me since my 19 yr. old son died 9 yrs. ago so I understood his apprehension. I said again that I was sorry and that my youngest son had died tragically and suddenly. Immediatly his gaurd came down and he found we were united in this terrible fraternity. There is another co-worker in the plant that lost a child that I seldom am around yet when we pass each other we always acknowledge each other and say a pleasantry. There is an unspoken bond.
I think its important to do what you did, walking up to another grieving dad to let him know that you too lost a child. Its helps them see your courage of saying those words, but also lets them know they are not alone. They have a brother near by on days that are tough that can just sit down have lunch, beer or coffee and not even talk about our losses. We just feel the comfort and understand what most people cannot even comprehend.
I totally get that feeling! When you sit with or meet another parent who has lost a child, there is an unspeakable bond. I work in a grocery store, and in my interactions with my customers, I don’t share that I have lost a child. But, recently, one regular and I were talking about our children, and she asked if my daughter J, was my oldest. I said “no, I have a son, but he passed away 5 years ago”. she said “I lost a son too. he was still born 30 years ago”. I asked her what her sons name was, and she looked taken aback and then said “his name was Christopher”. it was as if no one had ever asked that before. On a more recent visit we were talking about out kids growing up, and how it is great, but hard, and she said “well, you know”. Yes, I do know.
There is that bond that is hard to describe. That’s why I called it “coming home”. There’s just this comfort in knowing that we have all been through the same hell. And yes, if you’ve walked it, “you know”.
Thanks for the story!
Hi Kelly, I work with a gentleman wha also lost his son several years ago. It seems to me, that I have a sense of comfort when we talk (about anything) even if it’s just shooting the breeze. It’s like we are bonded by this terrible thing, and we just “get” eachother. Don’t know if he feels the same, but I would suspect he does. We’ve both experienced something that the rest of our coworkers haven’t, and I certainly don’t want to be able to “get” this same feeling with any more of them.
Peace to you and all the other grieving dads