Platitudes Are Bullshit
One of the great things about starting Grieving Dads Project is the ability to help others through this nightmare. I know my blog posts have become less and less over the years, but that’s because I feel like I’ve said almost everything I had to say through this blog and through my book.
I feel like I’ve laid everything out on the table for the world to see as a result of me lowering my guard and allowing others to see the pain that I carried inside. I was brutally honest and transparent, which helped me get a lot of the bad stuff out of all of the dark corners in my head.
However, that doesn’t mean everything has been swept clean, far from it. There are still times that something new pops into my head. A topic that I think others will connect to or find value in. Today’s post came for a fellow grieving dad who was kind enough to send me an email about an article that he recently read. The article was written by Tim Lawrence and was posted on his website called “The Adversity Within: Shining Light on Dark Places”.
The article is called “Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason”. I know all of us have heard this statement from others at some point along our grief journey. Although there was a time I tried to justify why I lost my children, but I couldn’t find a reason. I blamed it on myself for not being a good person. Maybe it was payback for something I did in my life. Maybe I was supposed to learn a lesson. Maybe it was supposed to happen because I was meant to write my book and help others. I now know that all of the questioning is bullshit. I’ve come to the realization that bad stuff just happens, that’s just the way it is.
There are a couple of lines in the article that I can really relate to, one is “Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried” and the other one is “In the nothingness, they did everything.”
Read the article and let me know what you think.
Here is a snippet of the article for you to ponder before you read the article in its entirety, which I encourage you to do.
So if anyone tells you some form of get over it, move on, or rise above, you can let them go.
If anyone avoids you amidst loss, or pretends like it didn’t happen, or disappears from your life, you can let them go.
If anyone tells you that all is not lost, that it happened for a reason, that you’ll become better as a result of your grief, you can let them go.
Let me reiterate: all of those platitudes are bullshit.