I am one who is always looking forward to the excitement of what’s next, instead of enjoying the moment. Enjoying the moment is a hard thing for me to do. It takes practice and intentional behavior.
Because of this, I am always thinking ahead and trying navigate and guide the future. I should know better, as a grieving dad, I know all to well that I cannot predict the future. But I at least try. I do this by setting goals and creating “To Do” Lists. I was having breakfast with a good friend of mine recently and I asked him the question, “do you have a 5-year plan?” His response was “no, I really haven’t had one for a long time.”
I agreed with him, I haven’t had a 5-year plan since my twenties. It kind of turned into, go to work, save your money and retire. Not much fun in that plan. Actually, it kind of sucks the life out of you and drains the fun out of your life. I then asked him the question, “why did we stop setting goals or developing these plans?” Neither one of us really had a good answer for the question.
So I decided I was going to start thinking about my “plan”. Like I said above, I should’ve known better, but I am a action oriented person, so I started working on it anyway. I can’t help it, I like to set goals and I like to achieve them. At the beginning of each year I sit down and think about the stuff I want to accomplish or experience in the upcoming year. At the end of the year, I check off the goals I achieved and then start thinking about next years goals. Some of the goals are as simple as “take a vacation” or “take up a new hobby.” Kind of sad I have to remind myself to take a vacation or take up a new hobby.
All of these plans and goals have a tendency to put pressure on myself rather than just letting life flow and happen. I like to think that I have control, but I don’t. I know that, but I still try. This morning I came across a really good article about 5-year plans that was written by a grieving mom. It really hit home with me and I wanted to share it with all of the other grieving parents and “Type A’s”. It’s about letting things just “Be”. Enjoy.
5-Year Plan Written by Kelly Buckley
thanks for sharing this article as I too found it helpful. Just passed the my son’s birthday June 30 & he’s been gone from the physical world since 2009 so I can relate a bit more to her than I could in the beginning years. Always read your posts since I came on board so thanks again for sharing your struggles & triumphs in our new “joint reality”. Peace.
After reading her article I signed up for Ms. Buckley’s newsletter. I like her philosophy; gratitude is indeed a lifesaver. Thanks for the tip, Kelly!
Thanks Kelly. I forwarded her info on to my wife. While we are all grieving differently, a mother’s and a father’s grief is also different (not less in any way…just different). I thought it might be helpful for my wife (mother’s aspect), as your blog has been helpful to me.
Thanks for sharing that article Kelly. I checked out her website and it seems to be a good place to find a way back to some form of peace and happiness. Looks like her books may be helpful also. I’m definitely going to read up on the info on her website. Wishing you peace, John