I had a very strange and familiar thing happen to me today at work. I was in my office discussing work stuff with a co-worker/friend when I mentioned that I was going to be working from home in the afternoon because my dog Buddy wasn’t doing so well. He had hurt his back about a month ago and had gradually gotten better and had become playful again. Unfortunately, he had reinjured it again yesterday and was unable to move very well. I continued on talking about how hard it is to see him like this and how I was concerned about him. I then said “I have already had to say good-bye to two children; I don’t want have to say goodbye to my friend Buddy as well.” As soon as those words left my mouth, I started to weep.
The words of “saying goodbye to two children” and the thought of saying goodbye to another family member I love hit me really hard. It was strange because I haven’t had emotions triggered like that for a while, familiar because there was a time just saying their name or thinking about them triggered this kind of response. Although healing has taken place over the years, it goes to show you are never 100% healed emotionally or physically after losing a child. The pain sits just below the surface just waiting to be triggered.
Have you had a similar situation?
I know what you are talking about with the pet. I had a yellow lab for fifteen years. She was my constant companion, traveling with me all the time, sleeping with me, sitting under my desk when I work. She passed very quietly in my arms in May, no pain, just a quiet passing. And I was devastated. We had her cremated and I had her ashes in my office for a few months not knowing what to do with them.
That pain I felt was so minor compared to the pain I felt in August when I lost my 21 year old son suddenly. But when I weep about Andrew, my son, I know that he loved Daisy so much. A couple of days after my son passed, my 19 year old daughter suggested that we put the tin with Daisy’s ashes with Andrew when we bury him. They were very close, he loved Daisy as much as I did, and this way they entered heaven together – or Daisy was thee waiting for him, I am not sure, but they are forever together now.
I have another lab that Andrew loved, and is now my companion. She is seven years old, but I dread the day when she too will be old and sick and pass away. How can I deal with that. Daphne knew and loved Andrew, I see Andrew in her, and I ask her if she misses him as much as I do. I am not sure how I can handle another part of me passing, and someone I can talk to about my son – although she doesn’t respond with anything but a smile and a wagging tail.
I absolutely can relate! My wife and I had our angel baby, Meriden, five and a half years ago. Time may heal wounds but scars remain. This year, year five for me, was tougher and harder on me than any other year. I really struggled for many reasons. I cried just as much or more this year than ever before. Everything triggered it: songs, discussions, upcoming holidays, Facebook posts, everything!