Check out my latest Video Blog on the topic of blaming ourselves for the death of our children. I have spoken to 1000’s of grieving dads and one of the common themes is the fact many of us blame ourselves in some way for the death of our child. Let me know your thoughts on this topic.
I think as parents it’s just a natural thing to happen as your mind is to protect your children and even when something terrible happens you look for reasons or answers on what we could have done differently to save your child. But the logical answer is…….you couldn’t have done anything to change the outcome. But it’s still fascinating that even later, at least for me, you still go back and wonder what could I have done to stop what happened. It’s all the what ” if’s”…..,,, it doesn’t work folks, it doesn’t work……you know it’s broke forever and you can’t change anything to make it better, to have that loved one come back…….”deep breath”……we are parents here to protect our children…..but sometimes it doesn’t work for some of us….ask god to help and heal those wounds…but they never go away…….
Here’s where I am stuck. Been here for a very long time. In 2 Samuel 12, Verse 13:14
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
Here is my guilt. I can’t get past it. I feel as though I brought all of this on.
I understand completely. I too found myself taking things “literally”. Not sure why, but my only thought on this is the fact we are looking for some sort of answer as to “why” this happened, so we go in search of it. In doing so, I think its easy for us to find “something” that makes sense to us. As part of that, it could be something that makes us feel like we caused it to happen. In reality, I have come to believe that things just happen, its how life plays out and I was just dealt a couple of bad hands, well actually, a couple of really shitty hands and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it other than go do something that would make them proud of me.
Please know, I too lived in that guilt for a long time and it can destroy you if you let it. In fact, I think it causes more long term damage than grief.
In reply to Fault.
The fact in my thinking is that it is not about proposing any blame or fault on oneself and further beating yourself up even more so over a childs passing in whatever circumstances, it is and always will be in my case that no matter how much I try I cannot alter my belief that it should not happen that a child should not in any circumstance pass before their parents and I will never ever come to terms with the cruelty and the heartbreaking wrench of such an event happening to anyone. God Bless All On Kellys Website.
logically i know it was purely a accident in my case. But alot of times in the back of my brain i do feel i am being punished by God for something and even tho again I didn’t believe it completely ….i still want answers..i guess since i though i am a believer in Christ ..why would he take a perfect child with so much to give in this would she was such a motivator and leader girl. So I am still confused and broken
It sure changes ones out look in life for certain..!
I fully agree with your sentiments Nancy.