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  • Grieving Dads

    Pat – Great great post. Not easier, more familiar is an awesome response. To answer you question, yes it makes sense and no you are not talking out of your ass because there are no words my friend.

    Peace.

    Kelly

  • Pat

    Kelly…

    The videos are a great idea and a great way to send a message with a more personalized feel. Good job.

    As far as telling people what it is like…I simply tell them “you don’t want to know” and that it is a feeling BEYOND any other….beyond sad…beyond disappointed…beyond unbelievable….

    And when they ask if it is all getting any “easier”…I always answer them by saying “No..it is only getting more FAMILIAR”….which in itself brings up a completely new feeling of guilt….I mean…how can we even form the words we form DAILY…like “more familiar”…and seemingly make sense of the things that make no fuckin sense whatsoever time after time? Crazy. I think I must be crazy. No..i KNOW I am crazy. How else can any of this be?

    Then..as often happens….I think of what I call “the double-edged sword of life”. It’s that sword that we all know too well…that cut our child down and took them from us…and that then comes back around and tosses opportunity and scenarios in our faces that are DIRECTLY related to the loss we have experienced. Ours is a new piece of land…and a possible new start in a new town…which is all very exciting and new on one side of the blade…..

    and on the other,,,is the fact that none of this change would be happening had he not left us. Any “happiness” we feel is a direct result of him leaving us…and that really crosses the wires on my head….if that makes any sense at all.

    Either way..it is always hard to relay to others such deep feelings. For me…the entire time I am TRYING to explain I am simultaneously realizing that I’m talking out my ass and there are TRULY NO WORDS to explain any of it.

    And the folks that matter..truly…don’t need or ask “what it feels like”….because they are also feeling it…

    Basically…”if ya gotta ask”….. um…yeah. You know what I mean…

    Thanks for continuing to keep the portal open for us to ramble on and on, Kelly. Much respect.

    Pat