One of the things I learned from the pain I went through, was the power of reaching out to others that have also buried a child.  Although it was impossible to do this in the beginning of my journey, there was a time I felt I had the strength to reach out.  Actually, I wouldn’t even call it strength, I would call it desire/need and an important part of pulling myself out of the depths (dark depths) of despair.  Despair and darkness only understood by another grieving parent.  You must have lived it to truly  understand it and I don’t recommend you do that.  I had never envisioned myself as a “leader” in helping others, in fact, I was pretty self absorbed.  It wasn’t until I started to look around and realized how many new people came into my life to help me that I realized I need to do the same for others.  My final step in this journey to restoring the new me, was helping others up and out of that pit.

The link below is to an article that a friend sent me about the power of connecting with other grieving parents to let them know they are not alone and others “get it”.

Article:  Parents Anguish Turns Into Mission

What are your thoughts on “reaching out”?  Have you done it?  Have others done it for you?

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User Comments ( 6 )

  • Steve Helms

    Kelly, you know I just started following your blog. My loss was march 5 2014. A fellow worker had lost his 16 year old daughter around two years ago. He presented me an option that most grieving parents don’t think of. There are many sod farms around and most offer free sod for you child’s grave. He even went and got it for me. I helped lay it out. A simple gesture as this, one not even thought of when starting the grieving process, can help break the ice with fellow fathers. Visiting my daughters grave and seeing grass and not a rectangle of hard packed dirt is easier on the heart and a little less painful.

    So if anyone out there knows someone with a recent tragedy, the simple offer of a few yards of sod can make a difference.

  • Pat

    Other parents who have lost a child are about the only people I feel I can TRULY relate to on this planet. Regardless of political/religious/social standing…there is a bond/commonality/UNBELIEVABILITY there that cannot be denied. Nothing need be explained. They KNOW.

    I have reached out to others….but I always let them know upfront that while I have an >idea> what they are feeling, I do not fully know what they are feeling. I only know what >I and feel….and that we all feel it differently and that is OK.

    • Pat,

      I have set with many grieving parents and you are right, there is this since of comfort/bond/connection that is hard to describe. We all KNOW.



    • Nancy

      I totally agree there is a undeniable bond i just don’t know were i’d be without resonating with other of the “tribe” of grief i encourage others that there is support you need to seek it out— its not obvious group- but non the less i just called other parents and it was my saving grace…

  • John

    I doubt if I will ever seek out others that have lost a child, no matter the circumstances. But I will try to be there for someone if I can.

  • Kirk

    At some point in this journey it became apparent that I needed to help others in this unwanted life change. If I can help one person get down this road ok then its been worth it. Call it paying it back or paying it forward it doesnt matter. There have been so many people who have helped me along this journey, people like you, Marty, the other guys on this site our councilor and our support group. I cant thank them enough. None of us can get our kids back but it’s really important to know we are not alone. Several others have helped us in our journey and to help others is a calling not a duty. Do I think im over the death of Ashlyn….not at all what I am is aware that to the newest bereaved parents I can show them that the point I am at is where they will be and it’s survivable.