Out to Lunch
Last week I had an interesting experience when I took a lunch break from work and decided to go out instead of going home to eat lunch. Little did I know that I would get more than I bargained for when I stepped into the restaurant. I was standing in line getting ready to place my order to take home when I heard through the rest of the noise in the restaurant, “Noah, come sit over here”. Hearing those five words caused me to turn my head and take notice of the situation.
When I looked to my left there was a lady about my age with two children. A little girl and a little boy, which I assume was Noah. I would guess he was about 5 years old. He was trying to eat his chips and salsa while his mom was guiding him to her side of the table by placing her hand on his head. He was a cute little blond kid and his little sister was just as cute. I couldn’t help to think about my Katie and Noah and what they would be like today. What would they have been like? I’ll never really know for certain, only in my imagination.
I realized I was smiling towards these little kids and I then realized the mom was looking at me. I then it dawned on me that she is probably wondering why this guy is smile at my kids. If I was her, I would have been thinking it. But the reality was I was thinking about my children while watching hers and she could not have known or understood that I am a grieving dad and that I was just missing my kids at that moment.
I paid for my food and I left for home. It was one of those moments that just came and went, unlike the early days when this type of situation would stay with me for days. I wasn’t even thinking about it when I left. However, later that night I was sitting with my wife listening to music and enjoying a glass of wine. We were talking about our day and the conversation turned to my experience earlier while I was at lunch. When I was telling my wife about what happened, it triggered an emotional response I didn’t expect. My wife smiled at me and I said, “It’s hard” and she said “I know, it is hard.”
The point of this story is these types of experiences will come up and they will trigger certain emotions or thoughts. Even when you’re several years out from the death of a child, you are still vulnerable. It came and it passed a lot quicker than it did before, but it is hard.
Anyone have similar experiences that triggered emotions or thoughts?