This past Saturday, November 12th, marked the 7year anniversary of losing my sweet daughter Katie. Not sure what happened to the last 7 years, but they’ve managed to slip away. I know many of you that follow this blog are newly bereaved and probably think “7 years? I am not sure if I can make 1 year or 2 years. How will I ever be able to make it 7 years?”. Those are excellent questions, questions I also asked myself at the beginning of this hell. I know the feeling of surviving second by second and then moving to minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, etc. The thought of surviving a year early on seemed doubtful, but here I am, 7 years later writing a blog posting about the horrific experience of losing a child. Obviously it is still with me after 7 years, but the pain of the anniversary days have faded.
I made a conscience decision at some point along the way that I was not going to run and hide from this day, because that’s not possible. I knew I was going to find a way to celebrate Katie’s life the best way I could. So the first year anniversary my wife and I took the day off of work and spent the time reflecting on her life and what our life has become and where we want our life to go as a way to honor her.
Looking back over the last 7 years I have witnessed the transition from the person I use to be to the person I am today. I use to be pretty self serving and non-tolerant of others, but have now found a way to become a person that tries to serve others by helping them the best way I can. Do I fail at this from time to time? Absolutely, I would be lying if I said no, but I would say this new direction in my life is one positive thing that has happened to me. Would I change it all to have her back, no doubt, but that’s not an option so I know I have to proceed with what I have control over and that’s how I want to be known as a person. The positive changes I made in my life are a direct result of losing my sweet Katie. It is the gift of love, compassion and understanding that Katie so graciously gave me.
I know there is a list of hundreds of negative things that have happened to us after the death of our children, trust me, I have plenty, but what things have changed in your life that you would consider positive?
If you can’t think of anything positive that has happened in your life since the death of your child, what positives would you like to see happen in your life?