What Pisses You Off?
I think I have been fighting a little depression lately. Over the last month or so I have found myself worrying about things, becoming agitated and quick to anger. I feel exhausted every morning. I so desperately want to change my career to something more rewarding. I am pursuing a Masters in Counseling so I can work with parents that have lost a child, but there are times that it seems so far away and I need a change now. I need to learn to relax and realize that it will happen; I just need to slow down and enjoy the ride. Not easy for someone that needs change quickly. My focus has been blurred and I need to keep my sights on the end which has been easier said than done lately.
I have also noticed lately that my patience have worn very thin with people and things that normally wouldn’t impact me. For example, I was approaching an intersection today and the light turned yellow before I arrived. Instead of just stopping and waiting for the green light, I decided I was going to let this irritate me to the point I had screamed out “mother fucker” just to let the anger/tension out. I could feel my blood pressure go up and my face become flush. I have always been short on patience but this was another sign that things are not quite right with me.
I think the problem is that I have been pushing myself pretty hard recently and have taken on way more than I can possible handle so I let the frustration get the best of me as times. Frustrated with the fact I am not the same person I was before the death of my children. I use to be able to handle several things at one time, but I just can’t seem to do it anymore.
I never experienced depression before the death of my children and as much as I know I am not the same person, it still pisses me off.
As a grieving dad (or mom), what pisses you off?