Heroin took my son took him far away
I found him on his bed so dead as he lay
Eyes closed in sleep spoon on night stand
Bloody foam in mouth with needle in his hand
This vision haunts my dreams keeps me from sleep
What sin did I commit that this is what I reap
It’s hard to close my eyes so many tears I’ve cried
Thought I was a good dad and know I really tried
Where did it all go wrong that I must feel this pain
I’d give up my own life just to see him once again
To hold him in my arms and tell him of my dreams
Tell him how I love him in frustration I do scream
There’s no turning back these cruel hands of time
How stupid I must be trying to capture this in rhyme
There’s just no explaining the feelings in my heart
I want to live again but don’t know where to start
Written 02/18/10 by: Thomas Patrick Calvert
This poem captures many of the things that dads feel or experience after the death of a child, regardless of the circumstances.
Trauma: We have all experienced the effects of trauma from either finding our child dead, receiving that phone call or being with our child when they died. The death of a child is trauma and it has major impacts on our lives and our ability to cope.
Questioning: We all have experienced and ask ourselves questions like “what did I do to disserve this?”, “why couldn’t I protect my child?” or “why them?”. The list of questioning is endless.
Picking up the pieces: We all are tying to put our lives back together after being shattered. Unfortunately the pieces don’t fit together like they use to. How could they? When we do manage to construct something, they look nothing like they did before. We are forever changed and the ability to accept that is hard but it must be processed if we have any hope of living again.
Thank you to my friend Tom Calvert for sharing this poem with everyone here. There is a lot honesty is this poem.