One of my main reasons for starting this blog and the Grieving Dads Project was to let other dads know they are not alone in the pain they feel, the thoughts (good and bad) that enter their mind, physical symptoms they experience, feelings of depression/anxiety and the fears that creep in that no one else knows about. There are many more experiences that I could go into greater detail with, but the ultimate point I am trying to make is, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I have heard from grieving dads from around the world that have told me that until they found this blog, they felt like they were the only one out there feeling the way they did. The reason being is that most of us guys are not programmed to go out and tell the world how we are feeling which in turn causes feelings of isolation for all of us that are out there. I have read statistics that say close to 1 million parents in the United States experience the death of a child every year. That means 500,000 grieving dads are created every year in the US alone. Add that number to the rest of the world and it is staggering. Trust me when I say this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I felt alone in my grief and pain for years before I realized that I wasn’t. However, it took another guy with courage to share his pain with me. When he started to tell me his stories of the daily battles that he faced, I felt like I was listening to my own story being told by someone else. I felt a sense of relief when he told me his story, not because someone else was inflicted with this pain, but it was the fact I realized that I wasn’t alone and I didn’t have to do this by myself.
As part of my realization, I made it one of my missions in life to talk about my experiences and feelings so others wouldn’t have to travel this road alone. Just the fact that I knew I was not the only one traveling on this path helped me tremendously and I want this blog to serve in that manner for others. I want this blog to be a safe place to talk about all of the things we are dealing with.
No matter where you are on your journey, I believe you will find someone here on this blog that can relate with some aspect of what you are dealing with. There are several thousand visitors to this blog every month that are searching for someone else that understands the pain they carry.
If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and that there are people here that truly care about you and will do whatever it takes to help you on your journey. Please reach out to me and let me know what I (or other grieving dads in my network) can do to help you. You do not have to travel this path alone, I hear from other grieving dads almost daily that ask me to let them know if another grieving dad needs support from someone that has walked in their shoes.
I understand that most men do not, and cannot openly ask for help. I on the other hand am not most men. Unlike many other bloggers here, i did not lose a child to the afterlife, i lost my wife of 4 years. She didn’t pass, she walked out on my two guardian angel daughters, and i. She didn’t tell me about any problems within the relationship, or gave any clues of her not wanting to be around, she just went out one night and hasn’t been home since.
I know i am not alone, but i would like some advice. I heard of special legal aid, located in Balt. Co. that will be able to help me. I need assistance in obtaining custody, child support, and a divorce from the wife that abandoned her family.
I have just lost my 5 month old son to heart failure 1 month ago yesterday. ( April 12th) I feel so empty inside and feel that he (Ashton) was never here. I guess do in part that he was only here for a short time. I hope my emptyness will fade sometime in the near future.
I and everyone here is willing to listen anytime you need to speak. Love your story about the birthday party. My wife and I get a birthday cake and sign happy birthday every year. It’s just a great way to honor our children.
Thank you for sharing.
Kelly, I just want to say a few things if I may. First is that I am so glad I found your blog. Reading your posts and the comments that are offered have helped me face a reality so incomprehensible that I don’t know what path my life would’ve taken without them, and I’d rather not know.
Second is that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing or how I’m doing it, but I’m managing to live life and make sure the mother of my daughter is doing okay…first priority. Your words and the words of others help to balance my sanity so that I can achieve that priority.
I have never been a social person with respect to making friends with other guys since I retired from the Navy. Working in the civilian world is a whole different ball game than the world I knew before that. In the Navy, my relationship with the guys that I worked with could potentially mean the difference between life and death…that forges strong bonds. In the civilian world, it appears to be every man for himself…so I made a world for myself centered around my wife and daughter.
The point to that last paragraph is that I’m not likely to seek out groups of men in my area that have gone through what I’m going through, so therefore this is the only forum available to me to express my feelings…thank you for providing it.
My wife and I just recently got home from a trip to my wife’s family’s house where we celebrated what would have been our daughter’s 25th birthday. We talked about ways that she’s influenced our lives, ordered her favorite food (pizza), played card games and topped off the evening with a special cake with one candle.
I know I am not alone…yet I feel alone because my grief is unique to me. I’ve lost my only child, my baby girl. I’ve lost not only her future, but mine, and yet the only thing I can do is go forward. It’s the only thing that’s keeping my sanity intact.
Thanks for listening,