I want to start this posting by saying thank you to Leon Harris for having the strength and courage to tell his story of child loss. Everybody’s story is different and all stories are welcomed here on this blog. His storyline is not often discussed because of the taboo nature of the topic. It takes courageous people like Leon to shed light on the reality of this pain and to let people know they are not alone and that others understand your pain. The following is his story of loss, love and pain:
Something Inside Died That Day
It started in 2004. I had planned on moving down to the Phoenix area and I ended up meeting someone down here from the internet. I didn’t move down here for her. It just so happened that I met her after I decided to move. I had come down to see her around Mother’s day that year. That’s when we knew. We hit it off very well. I ended up moving down here in June of that year. I guess things progressed pretty quickly for us. I was struggling with finding a job when I moved down here. I didn’t know what the future held, but I did know that I was very much in love with her. That love still exists, even after she did what she did.
We found out in July that she was pregnant. We both were very excited about it. We had planned to get married. No date set, mostly talk. We even went to the pre-natal appointments because we were planning on having this baby. I was doing contract jobs on and off at the time since I was unable to find a regular job back then. I will never forget this day. The day that changed my life forever. September 7th, 2004. I was actually doing one of the contract jobs when I received a phone call from her. What she told me caused something inside me to die that day. She told me she had aborted our child.
I got sent into a downward spiral. I started drinking heavily, being promiscuous, etc. I would cry myself to sleep at times. I lost my self esteem, my self respect. I couldn’t handle it, but I had no one to talk to. Even now, over 6 years later I have trouble talking about it.
We even tried to work it out afterwards because I tried forgiving her. She never stopped loving me. She told me she did it because she was scared and I wasn’t stable in work and she didn’t know what to do. We had tried working it out multiple times after that, but she had told me that every time she looked at me, she thought of our child and she couldn’t handle it. I found out later from her that the day she called me to tell me that, she hadn’t actually done it yet. I think she said she actually did it like 3 days later. Because we had originally planned on keeping it, I have an ultrasound from 9 weeks. Our child was aborted at 11 weeks. That is the only thing I have to remember my child. I will always love her though, despite what she did. It just still hurts to think about what happened.
It damaged me emotionally. I keep to myself mostly. My whole outlook on life has changed. I think what has helped me the most is that I found my way back to God and now he helps me through life. I left out a lot of in-between details, but this is the main part of my story. I hope it can help someone in the same situation. I felt completely alone. I just want people out there in this situation to know that you are not alone.