I have been posting a series of “Truisms About Grief” that I received from fellow grieving dad and friend, Charlie Schmidtke.  I met Charlie as part of this grieving dads project.  Please share your thoughts or stories regarding this subject.

It is crucial to give your loved one’s story a voice.  It is important to develop a willingness and ability to talk about your loved one’s life and about your feelings about them.  Too many parents, spouses, siblings, etc. are left voiceless once “normal” living is supposed to return.  Other people seem to impose an unfair timetable and seem to take away the grieving person’s need to talk about her loved one, or to hear his name being used.  For those people who have not found their “voice” yet, I would encourage you to participate in a professionally sponsored grief group, so you will learn how to speak about your loved one’s story with others who are willing to listen.  For those of you who have learned to give “voice” to his story do not apologize for speaking.  Of course there will be people and situations that will make telling the story difficult, if not impossible.  Make sure you have friends or someone else who will truly continue to listen to the story and share in the meaning of what you have to say.  This need should never cease.  Be willing to listen to others’ stories too.  Accept the fact that there will be times when you do not feel like talking or sharing your experiences.  You may feel empty or that “what else is there to say”.  These feelings are normal and may pass.  If not, consider the possibility that you are becoming clinically depressed and need professional assistance.

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  • I am so thankful to have found your blog. I will share it with my husband. We lost our daughter, Adrienne, in 1992 to SIDS and then our son, Nick, to brain cancer in 2008. Since losing Nick we have started a foundation (www.nicholasyancynischanfoundation.blogspot.com) and one of the ministries of the foundation is to send Adrienne’s Angel Memory Boxes to other grieving families when we hear of the loss of another child. Being able to reach out has helped us not to close out the hurting world around us.

    I write often of my grief on my blog, but I am thankful to find your blog and will add it to my blogroll for my husband!

    God bless your ministry here!

    tammy nischan

    • Tammy,

      I am thankful you found this blog and are willing to share it with your husband and on your blog.

      So very sorry for the death of your daughter Adrienne and your son Nick. The work you are doing to honor your children. I am confident the recipients of these memory boxes find comfort in your compassion.



  • I seemed to know early on that Rachel’s story was WAY to BIG to try to tell other people. I felt like if I couldn’t tell her story and do it justice without 24 hours to do it. I remember feeling frustrated until I had a couple of ideas. First, I developed a coffee table book from an internet site of her photos, poems, art, journal entries and sketches. Second, we established a scholarship fund and had a website developed to “tell her story”. The website is http://www.rachelchristen.com . This begins to do justice to her story and I look forward to pointing people who did not know her to it to be blessed by who she was.

    • Steve,

      As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories. They help the many that visit this blog.



  • Others often do have a schedule for our grief..”It’s been 3/6/12 months” SEZ WHO I say to that

    • Martine – Says who is correct. This has to be done on your own time and schedule, not someone else’s.

      Thanks for you thoughts.