I have been posting a series of “Truisms About Grief” that I received from fellow grieving dad and friend, Charlie Schmidtke.  I met Charlie as part of this grieving dads project.  Please share your thoughts or stories regarding this subject.

Don’t let anyone else tell you when and how you should deal with your loved one’s personal effects, room, etc.  How and when you should deal with those treasures varies widely.  In fact, you may find that spouses, siblings, etc. have very different time schedules or ideas about what to do.  Tolerance and patience should be the guide in determining the best ways for families to heal when attending to these issues.  It is very destructive for someone to try to dictate to others when and how a child’s clothes, for example, should be handled.  Be careful not to impose your time schedule on another family member’s grief either.

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User Comments ( 3 )

  • It’s agonizing to lose a child. I lost my son Danny on July 1, 2008 to an overdose. He was 22. In dedication to him I formed The Prayer Registry for parents who have lost children.

    This free website service is dedicated to all of the families who have lost children, whatever age that child was when they passed. This site registers the anniversary day of our children’s crossing. The members of this online community, the Prayer Team, have the opportunity to honor their child’s legacy and connect with other bereaved parents to participate in world-wide group prayer for every registered loved one on the anniversary day of their passing. To learn more see my website: http://www.sheriperl.com.

    To register a child for prayer, email Sheri at theprayerregistry@gmail.com. I need only your child’s full name along with the date that he or she passed to ensure that your child receives prayer every year on the anniversary day of his or her passing.

  • Robb

    This is so important! As the one-year anniversary of our daughter was approaching last year, a well-meaning friend asked if I had some plans to keep myself busy so I didn’t “just spend the whole day feeling sad”. I wish I would have had the presence of mind to ask him what, in fact, is so wrong about spending a day feeling sad about my daughter’s death?

  • Thank you for sharing this idea. I think it is important to remember that everyone grieves differently and on their own time table.