“Just for Today” for Bereaved Parents – (Section Ten)
This is the last section from the Just for Today poem written by Vicki Tushingham. I received the ”Just for Today” poem from a fellow grieving dad and friend that I met through this project. Over the last several months, I have been posting separate sections of the poem to ponder and discuss. The last one in this series follows:
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did, my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
Although we didn’t die when our children did, it feels like it at times. I agree that us as a whole didn’t die, but pieces of us certainly did. For each parent it’s different. One of the things for me was the naivety of life. I spent all of my life prior to the losses thinking that life was great and bad things only happen to other people. Then I ran out of luck and the most unspeakable thing happened, the death of my two children over an 18 month time frame.
It took me several years to stop fighting the grief/pain and start processing what had happened. I believe one cannot continue on with their life until they have found a way to allow themselves to process the events. To be able to speak openly about what happened including the details of the events, the trauma that unfolded in front or around you. I mean the deep dark stuff you witnessed or experienced. The phone call that left you literally on your hands and knees weeping while you were alone. Throwing up because the stress of it all took a major toll on your bodies mental capacity to handle it and it didnt know how else to respond. Basically, the stuff you have told no one because you were either embarrassed or felt vulnerable. As difficult as it is, I believe one has to “go there” and talk or write about it before they can start to rebuild their life again.
Of course these are just my thoughts, feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree with this. Obviously, I don’t think you can ever get back to the person you were before, but you can find a way to create a new life that can be rewarding.