I have been posting a series of “Truisms About Grief” that I received from fellow grieving dad and friend, Charlie. I met Charlie as part of this grieving dads project.
This particular “truism” really hits close to home. I remember sitting in a counselors office about year after I lost my son and asking her “when will I feel better, it’s already been a year and every grief book I read says it takes about a year to grieve”. I was trying to push through grief, mainly because I thought I could and the other reason was I felt so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. I was very naive to the grieving process after losing a child. Her response at every meeting after that was “it will be done when its done, be patient”. You grieve the loss of a child the rest of your life, it is never “done”. I think what she should have said was “the very intense pain from grief will ease over time, I can’t tell you when, but be patient”.
9. Be Patient – Grief takes time and patience. Others may not understand this lesson, so try to realize that they may be functioning from a world of ignorance or well-intentioned concern. Remember that grieving parents are riding on a subway – they can’t get off, while others only come aboard for short rides. This reality makes those who grieve asynchronous from others.