I use to rush through life completing tasks on my lists just so I can check them off.   I had “to do” lists for my job, home and my business.  I tracked everything so I could get more “stuff” completed.  I had even reached a point where my health started to be impacted as a result of the stress I had put on myself.  2:00 AM visits to the hospital because I was having chest pains and anxiety attacks.  Is this how I wanted to live my life?  No, but I had grown accustom to the money and to the fast pace lifestyle.  I felt if I wasn’t getting things done, I was falling behind.  I was on the treadmill of life.  Some call it the “rat race”.  This all changed for me after I lost my children.  I went 180 degrees in the other direction.  Mainly because I couldn’t do much more than get out of bed and even that didn’t make my list some days.  I have since learned to slow down and enjoy life a little more.  

The following “truism” about grief really hits home for me.  In reality whether your grieving or not, it is a good way to live you life.  Slow, easy and keeping it simple.  This was sent to me by my friend and fellow grieving dad that lost his daughter after her 2 1/2 year battle with cancer.  Let me know what you think about this truism.

7.    In one sense many people who are grieving have gained an advantage over others when it comes to the trivialities of life.  Many of those who are grieving become impatient with these trivialities.  Life has changed so much for them that priorities become completely realigned.  Usually this transformation is good and empowering.  It is important to accept the different person you may have become while grieving.  The key point is to understand the changes and embrace the shift in what is important in life now.  Of course, the challenge is not to get too irritated with those “water bugs” who flit through life and only attend to the most meaningless tasks.

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  • I really like this- and I really must pop over here more often. I must start by saying I was talking about your blog with two dads I met tonight at my hospital’s support group meeting… hopefully they’ll stop by- (and the mom’s I met too…) if not to comment- at least to read, think, grow.

    I feel like the woman I am today would not be had my Andrew not existed and not left me. It sounds horrible because I love the person I am now. I feel wiser and stronger and that I do have this ‘thing’ that I get more than those people who are running in circles and trying to ‘one-up’ others- buying their big houses and fancy cars. I feel sorry for them because life is so much more than ‘things’.

    I say this of course thinking that I could have been just fine and a fine person had he lived. And of course had I to choose- I would have chosen him. But since I was not given that choice, I choose to learn from his life and make the most out of every lesson and gift that it can give to me. Thanks for writing and sharing yourself.

    • Laura,

      Thank you for stopping by and for sharing this blog with the grieving dads that you know. I too feel wiser and stronger for having experienced the loss of my children. I live in an area that is full of type “A’s” that think they are untouchable. I saw a license plate on a Mercedes today that said “NVRENUF”. Never enough. I just shake my head and think you have no clue. If this is the most important thing in your life than you are very lucky. Just like we use to be before the unthinkable hit us. Not that I wish bad things on others, but if they could just feel it for a day, they would change their outlook on life and what’s important. I use to be that person and loved the thrill of closing deals. I like the person I am today much more than the guy I use to be.

      Thanks again for stopping by.



  • I can completely relate – I was (notice the past tense) your very typical type A – hard charging career / business woman, and I competed daily against men in the corporate world. I can laugh about things in a way I could not then, but….. I loved my career, and was very, very good at what I did. I thought I had all the answers, no one was more organized than me, no one could snif out a deal better than me, no one could close a deal better than me – you get the point…..

    On top of all the career success I had – I was equally blessed to be in a strong marriage with someone that I not only loved, but liked as well. However, the cherries on top of my life were my boys. There was nothing more important to my husband and I than our sons – nothing. Our life by our choice revolved around Robert and Michael – we were happy – as I always say we werent perfect, but it was perfect for us!

    Anyway next month will be two years since our 17 year old son died. I walked away from my career, from my friends, from it all. We live a very stripped down version of our former lives. You are so correct – after the death of a child, money, status, power, new stuff, whatever just no longer matters.

    I am glad I found this – as I have sharred this link with several grieving dads that I know, along with my own husband. I have an article that I will be pubishing, and I would like to use your site as a reference for the dads who read my blog.

    Prayers and peace,

    • Lisa,

      I too am glad you found this blog for grieving dads and thank you for sharing with the other grieving dads/parents that are out there. Once you publish/post your article, let me know and I will also post it here if you would like. I think the more information that is out there, the more it helps. People respond to different stories and perspectives.

      I thought I had all the answers as well. I just had this conversation with a dad that lost his son to inner city violence/murder. He said before his son died, he use to have all the answers to life’s questions. Now the only thing he knows is “he doesnt know”. There is a lot of truth to that.

      Thanks again for your comments. Peace.