“Offers That Don’t Materialize” – Truisms About Grief

I have heard the following “truism” about grief from several dads that I have met throughout this project.  Many time well intended comments/actions inflict pain on those that are grieving.  Your world is turned upside down and things that never use to impact us do while we are grieving.  My friend and fellow grieving dad sent me this one.  Have you ever experienced this “truism”?

6.  People will also make offers that don’t materialize.  The intention may be genuine, but the reality is that what they have said they would do just doesn’t happen.  For example, at my daughters wake, two different men I had known for years said they would call me the following spring or summer to get me out golfing.  I have golfed with both of them on different occasions a number of times before.  Neither one has ever called.  People feel as if they need to do or say something to show their concern.  “Let’s get together.  I’ll give you a call.”  Yet the encounter will not materialize and the phone will remain silent. The difference for someone who is grieving is that such promises often get taken literally.  I have learned to not take such promises personally, nor to judge those who make them.  Many people have not learned how to turn sympathy into empathy.  Being well-intentioned is not necessarily the best medicine.