I received a list of 31 “Trusims About Grief” from another grieving dad and friend I met as part of this grieving dads project.  I plan on posting a new one every couple of days so make sure to check back.  I met Charlie on my trip to Buffalo where I interviewed him as part of this project.  He provides great insight into what he learned on his grief journey.  Very good stuff, enjoy.

Heidi was a vibrant, talented, aspiring actress when she was diagnosed with leukemia at age 18.  She spent 2 ½ years showing Diane, my wife, our other 3 daughters, and the world that dealing with cancer can be heroic and done with class, grace, dignity and beauty.  She died in our arms, at home.  During my journey of grief, many of life’s lessons have become quite clear to me.  Here are some of them.

  1. Crying cleanses the soul.  No one should ever apologize for or feel uncomfortable about crying.  I have told people who apologize for crying in front of me that I am touched and grateful that they have been willing to share their tears.  It is comforting to know that others care.  I have also learned the power that can come from crying.  To assume that tears are a sign of weakness is to miss the truth about life.  Laughter and tears are so inextricably linked that it is easy to experience tears from laughter or laughter emerging from a “soul-wrenching cry”. 

Leave a Reply

User Comments ( 4 )

  • Kathy,

    Thank you so much for posting here on this blog. I am sorry for the delayed response. I am also very sorry to hear about your nephew.

    There are a few options for you. There are support groups that offer group support and they are free since they are not for profits. Here is one of them that is located in your area.

    Commpassionate Friends (www.compassionatefriends.org)
    Detroit Chapter
    (734) 660-9557
    Meeting Info: 1st Tuesday of each month 7:00 – 9:00 pm
    Meeting Address: New Greater Oregon St John Church, 10636 Tireman, Detroit, MI 48204

    Theses groups are open to anyone that has lost a child (or nephew) for any reason. It will help to be around others that are coping with such a loss. Please let me know if you have any questions or need any other assistance.


  • Kathy Daleo

    Do you have anything for family’s dealing with the loss of a loved from suicide? My nephew comited suicide in his mother’s home where I live too and I’m his aunt and I can’t seem to move forward my sister and I are having hard time with his loss, more so her do to the fact that’s her son. But Mark and I were very close and I can’t move I’m frozen and at a stand still with life right now. What can I do? I live in MI Det. Metro area and looking for free consulling! Thank you…<3 Kathy Daleo

    • Tina W.

      First off I am deeply sorry, I lost my dad from suicide when I was just 12, (21 now) not only was it just a suicide, but it was done in front of my face. I can totally understand the frozen feeling. Did this recently happy? After my father passed everyone was falling apart around me my mom and younger brother, of course I felt that I needed to be strong, for everyone but thats where I made my mistake, you need to take care of yourself. That frozen feeling is normal its a shock stage, after the dd of my father I returned to school I felt no emotion did not shed a tear, same goes with his funeral. Now I was in that shock stage for about 8 years I couldnt face what my father had done until now. In a month I am going back home to the house it had happened in (i know the people who bought the house) and I am going to walk around the house and feel things that I didnt allow myself to feel 9 years ago. At this point I dont care how much I cry how bad it hurts I need to face the things ive been avoiding to move on. And i will admit I am so terrifed I cry about it in fear. But I know I will leave my home state with the holes in my heart filled. I will also be talking to my family asking questions about my dad, if he loved me, or why this had to happen. Of course your situation is different, seems like im rambling on and your problably wondering what this has to do with you. Well my advice is do not be afraid to show an emotion, ask questions, dont apologize for crying. Face the things your to afraid to look at, visit the grave, go through boxes, I understand its hard it has taken me 9 years to build up the courage. But whatever you do DO NOT shut your self out from family/friends. Please talk about it join a group with other familys that have lost a loved won due to suicide. And of course I am always here to talk. Praying for you and your family/friends tonight.