“Only Us” by Kelly Farley

2

“Only Us”

I have tried many times to explain the pain of losing a child to those that have not lost a child.  I’ve come to the conclusion that there are no words to describe it.  You have to experience it to fully understand it.  It’s more than grief, it changes everything about you in ways that takes years to fully understand.

The pain is all encompassing and it smothers you with relentless despair.  There are times you don’t think you will survive it, I’ve met some that haven’t.  It’s a terrible terrible thing for one to endure.

It is survivable, in fact I think one can thrive after the processing and hard work is completed.  It takes a major transformation of self to get to this point.

I don’t wish it on anyone, but I will be here to help others through it if I can.  It’s the least I can do.  I stand at the bright end of that dark dark tunnel and know the journey is long and dark for those behind me.

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This entry was posted in Agonize, Bereaved Parents, Brokenness, Brotherhood, Compassion, Courage, Death of a baby, Death of a Child, Death of a daughter, Death of a son, Debilitating, Depression, Despair, Devastation, Emotions, Exhausting, Grief, Grieving Dads, Grieving Dads Words, Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back, Haunting, Inspiration, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Daughter, Loss of a Son, Pain, Perspective, Survival, Tough, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to “Only Us” by Kelly Farley

  1. Darlene Stanton says:

    Hi  I am writing to you to thank you for writing the book for grieving dads. It was a real eye opener for me as a grieving mum.  My husband and I split up and divorced soon after my daughters death. I had no real idea how he coped with my daughters death. The book was a gift for me. I had or even thought about the grief he has gone through.

    My question to you is how did you get out there in the big world to help grieving dads.  I am an EFT and Matrix Reimprinting practioner who set up my business last year. I would like to work with people who have lost children but am struggling where to start.  I would appreciate your feedback

    I usually find it hard to ask for support but I feel it is only a subject I can ask from a person who has been in the place I have.  Thank you for the gift of your book to the world.

    Regards.

    Darlene Stanton – Grief to Joy. 

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

  2. Kelly says:

    “There are no words” was said to me after my brother inlaw and fathers funeral almost 10 years ago. I will never forget it. 5 years ago I lost my 10 year old daughter and I have read a lot about losing a child. The best thing I ever came across was “whatever you think it would be like, think of it as a million times worse.”

  3. GKiger says:

    Thank you Kelly for the honest, right words that you wrote. Four years now and I can start to see the light. Brighter, but can fade if you let yourself go to those sad, heart breaking areas of your mind. It’s not that I am afraid to do that, to find my son in a deeper area of life, love and remembrance, but it can wipe me out for that day. We all want to move on, to find joy, peace and who we were before that tragic event occurred, but as we know it’s ever fleeting and really non existent. That’s “now” ok, I’ve accepted that for the rest of my life. Greatful for your words and for helping others along the way, Kelly.

  4. Kevin says:

    Nice job as always Kelly. I had a friend of mine, Catholic Priest tell me it is “un-natural to loose a child” I have really now come to believe this – No one EVER should have to bury their child. Other losses are very difficult but you somehow can come to terms with many as it is sadly to be expected as part of the circle of life. He also reminds me that “Life has changed not ended” That I am not at peace with unfortunately. There are many many days that life may be easier if we didn’t have this burden to carry. I have come to live moment by moment. It seems to work for now – Will never be the same person I was before this. I pray that everyone here can get through these next few weeks.

  5. mjsmith99 says:

    Thank you for writing again, Kelly. I experienced something this weekend that rang so true to your story. I met up with a friend to see a football game. At the tailgate party prior to the game, I saw his cousin. He’s about my age (56). When I had first met his cousin earlier in the fall, I told him how I lost my daughter to a drug overdose. I shared because I knew his wife had been murdered two years ago, and I wanted to encourage him to get into a support group. When I saw my friend this weekend, we hugged our usual greeting, and when I saw his cousin, he also hugged me, but unlike my friend, he didn’t let go. He just held me, and I held him. I wound up crying on his shoulder.
    I knew he understood.

  6. Michael Smith says:

    Thank you for writing again, Kelly. I experienced something this weekend that rang so true to your story. I met up with a friend to see a football game. At the tailgate party prior to the game, I saw his cousin. He’s about my age (56). When I had first met his cousin earlier in the fall, I told him how I lost my daughter to a drug overdose. I shared because I knew his wife had been murdered two years ago, and I wanted to encourage him to get into a support group. When I saw my friend this weekend, we hugged our usual greeting, and when I saw his cousin, he also hugged me, but unlike my friend, he didn’t let go. He just held me, and I held him. I wound up crying on his shoulder.
    I knew he understood.

  7. Bruce Knight says:

    Our grief therapist, who herself experienced the loss of her 2 daughters and husband explained it best to me. Losing your child changes you at the “molecular level”, and you must rebuild your person from the inside out, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to have a fighting chance at survival.
    Amen.

  8. Josh says:

    Kelly, thank you for your consistent honesty, insight and hopeful bent on child loss. I too find it nearly impossible to describe (accurately) my/our experience to those not a part of our awful/awesome club. You’re blog, book, and the video interview with April Boyd has been so very helpful in my loss and timeline. I want you to know that my wife, who remains a labor and delivery nurse despite losing our baby, includes copies of your book in the care packages for future patients/dads of loss on her floor. I’m confident your helping more people than you know.

  9. Tommy says:

    “I have tried many times to explain the pain of losing a child to those that have not lost a child. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are no words to describe it.” The same for me, I’ve tried to find the words to explain but all I think of is “it’s the worst thing ever.”

    What would’ve been my daughter, Jewel Bella’s 3rd birthday is coming up on January 29. The holiday’s for me always bring a constant reminder of her birthday being right around the corner. We’ve since had two more children after her passing, our son Julius Blaise (21 months old) and a second daughter, Jadyn Nayeli (4 months old). They bring such happiness to my wife and I but I constantly think of Jewel and think of what she would be like and how she would interact with her siblings.

    I honestly didn’t think i would ever be at the point where I am now (finding happiness). I didn’t think I would make it out of that first year after losing Jewel. I can honestly say that this site and Kelly’s book were huge in helping me get through the darkest of times. It sucks that we’re all part of this group but I’m very thankful for this group.

  10. Jon Farris says:

    Perfect. Awful, but perfect. Thanks Kelly.

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