“Laying Low” by Kelly Farley

I have had a lot of positive feedback from others that have watched some of my previous impromptu videos that I have posted so I decided that I would start doing more of them.  I often will be driving or out on a run and a subject/idea enters my mind as a good blog post.  The problem is, by the time I get to a place to type it up, I forget about it.

If you have time check out my latest “video” blog.  When you are done watching it, hit “subscribe” to Grieving Dads YouTube Channel so you will automatically get a notice when a new video is posted.  Let me know what you think of the topic of Laying Low.

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This entry was posted in Bereaved, Death of a baby, Death of a Child, Death of a daughter, Death of a son, Grieving Dads, Grieving Dads Project, Grieving Dads Words, Living Simple, Loss of a Child, Loss of a Daughter, Loss of a Son, Men's Grief, Perspective, Rat Race, Restless Soul and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to “Laying Low” by Kelly Farley

  1. Dr. Kenneth G. Andersen says:

    Hi Kelly…..I just ‘found’ this site today. It helps knowing that I am not all alone in this tragic journey. My 34 year old son was taken on June 12. As you know…….my heart hurts. I feel so all alone in that everyone else has ‘moved on’ with their lives and I’m still stuck on June 12. I fear I can’t talk to anyone …. sensing that they think ‘you still not over this’. Of course I understand that they have no idea what I’m going through. I had no idea before June 12. This is tuff stuff.
    Thanks Kelly for your efforts to help guys like me (and you) as we all simply try to learn to live with our loss. I’d like to join your newsletter, mailing list or whatever you have that might be able to assist me in getting thru one more hour. One more day.
    Thanks …brother!

    • GrievingDads says:

      Hello Kenneth. Thanks for reaching out. Very happy to see that you found this site. This is tuff stuff, and something you can’t run from or do on your own. Not sure if you read the book, but you should. It will help you with not feeling so alone. You are still very very early in this journey. There will be some very tough days ahead, but you are not alone, we’ve all been there, some are still there and others like you are just starting out. We can all help in some way.

      If you go to my home page grievingdads.com there is a place at the top that allows you to add you email address to subscribe to my blog posts. I also encourage you to go through this blog and read some of the past entries starting back in 2010.

      We’re here my friend. Use us as a resource.

      Peace.

      Kelly

    • L Ball says:

      Dr.,
      My 18 yo daughter also died on June 12.
      My heart is so broken.
      Know howhard it is.

  2. James C says:

    Kelly, First let me say, I stumbled across your site and have to say, THANK YOU! I just lost my would be daughter at just 20 weeks gestation, she would be my third child and my only daughter as I have two sons. I know that it’s maybe not the same as maybe having an child to hold, but as much as I did not hold her, like my Partner(of 9yrs) did in her womb, I did feel her kick and perhaps wiggle. I heard her heart each and every time it was meant to be heard. I even saw her a few times in black and white, she seemed to wave at us the first time. I talked to her telling her I was looking forward to the day we meet. But then the bad news, a test that suggested that she may have major health problems, then another test that confirmed the first test with certainty that she may not make it to the actual delivery date August 2. We with heavy hearts and lots of tears and exhausting any glimmer of hope, decided to, ummm do what we had hoped to never do, (hard to put to words) decide to not proceed with the pregnancy. We went to the Dr’s office this yesterday and started the process of….the pregnancy, we sat together and asked for forgiveness, peace, strength, and that one day meet in heaven. But until then, that she would always be with me in mind and spirit. Yesterday, she stopped wiggling and feel asleep, as I would like to believe. So today, I took my Partner to the third and final visit, waited for the call to come pick her up and drove her home and made sure she was comfortable. We both did not want our unborn child to be disposed of as medical waste, as funeral arrangements were made. As much as I supported her, and the support of others, I too lost a child. I to feel the emptiness, the sadness that sometimes just comes from no where.
    i’m thankful that her cousin came to her side to give her the female support as I’m sure that went along way, and I being thankful that she could help with the emotional burden as well.

    I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face thankful that I’m not the only guy out there, trying to be strong and supportive of all matters at hand, yet fight a slight battle to strong and historic as a Man.

    James

    • GrievingDads says:

      James – Thanks for reaching out. My heart breaks for you and your partner. You are in an impossible situation, this is a heart wrenching decision no one should have to be in. Wanting your daughter so desperately while trying to make the best decision for her. It’s bad all the way around my friend. I applaud you for telling us your story, its not an easy one to tell. I unfortunately know your situation all to well. You have a long road ahead of you filled with emotional highs and lows. Feel free to call me or email me my friend. I’ve walked in your shoes, use me as a resource to help guide you along.

      Wishing you peace. I have no doubt that you will hold your daughter in heaven and she will be so happy to see you.

      Kelly

  3. Ryan B says:

    I have not been on your page in awhile and decided to make a visit today. Your video defines the way I feel. We lost our 18 month old daughter almost 6 months ago to “SUDC”. Losing Olivia has made me rethink everything. She was our first and only. Going back to having all this free time is hell. I would love to be able to sell off everything and start a new life outside of the corporate handcuffs.

    • GrievingDads says:

      Ryan – Thanks for revisiting and commenting on the post. I do hate the corporate handcuffs and often feel I’m selling myself short. I am envious of those who actually walk a way and build a new life.

      Peace.

      Kelly

  4. Greg says:

    Great topic, Kelly. It would be nice to find a small town. I’m picturing Montana with some epic fishing streams / rivers. Just laying on the bank listening to the water would be great.

    Some constructive criticism on your beginner video skills… buy one of those cheap phone tripod stands… that will keep the video super still if you are at a table or desk. And… film your videos in landscape, that way it fills the screen up with photo, and not black side bars. You will just have to be aware of your background, if you do not want your audience to see anything.

    Keep ’em coming! Love the video format.
    Lily’s Dad

    • GrievingDads says:

      Greg,

      Criticism is not allowed on my blog. 🙂 Of course I am joking. I appreciate the feedback, I’m kind of new to the whole talking to the screen thing, but I am trying to get use to it because I think its powerful for some. I myself prefer watching a video than reading. I actually have a little tripod that I bought a while back, I just need to use it. I’ll keep them coming.

      Peace.

      Kelly

  5. Dan says:

    Agree with the ideas expressed already & definitely have thought of running away somewhere to “escape” or “forget” or I don’t know what from the underlying memory of losing my son. It comes and goes as I linger on some days not knowing where I’d go or what I’d be doing with my son if he were still alive on this journey we call life. However, I have his older sisters and their sons in my life which have given me some courage and resilience to carry on as best I can. I help out other grievers when I can as the death of someone close to us is – I think – a difficult adjustment to make in our lives and we all do it in different ways. Some of my friends say losing a child is more difficult in their view to handle than the loss of an older family member but I’m not sure anymore. I also lost 1 brother before & 1 brother after my son died and each loss was unique in how I reacted. An acquaintance lost her son 3 months after my son and when I visited her, she said I was the only one there who could understand how she felt but then she qualified hers as worse because her son was murdered. I just said as gently as I could: “Dead is dead” and left it at that. I know that she was still in the very earliest stage & probably doesn’t even remember saying that just as I can no longer remember what I said to various people shortly after my son died. Thanks for your post Kelly.

    • GrievingDads says:

      Dan – Thanks for your thoughts on this. I applaud you for helping others though grief. Its not easy being around bad stuff all of the time, but I find it helps me to help others through this nightmare. To calm their fears that they are the only one feeling like they are going crazy. This is an horrific journey, but one we all must take. I am sure your friend actually thought that her loss was worse, because it hers and its hard to believe that others feel as bad as you do. I found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone in my pain. It help me feel like it was “normal” and that I would survive. It provided me hope.

      Peace.

      Kelly

  6. Greg Pearson says:

    Hi Kelly,

    Definitely — my long drive to/from work (1-2 hrs each way) a few days a week gives me WAY too much time to think (maybe this is another topic you could address — how to shift mind focus). Most of the time I am thinking of Grayson, or even worse, his murder. I run scenarios in my head of where I could go to escape the grief and pain, and definitely the reminders. My solace is my wife and two other children, and getting home to spend as much time with them as I can. It would be nice to find a safe haven and lay low — try to focus on nature or a hobby. For me, maybe a nice place in a hilly area where there is a lot of sun, but not too hot – hiking, fishing, canoeing, etc. Maybe a journal to write in, a canvas to paint on, or a book to sketch in. I am definitely not an artist by any means, but something to divert my attention and absorb some of the angst and express it elsewhere.

    Anyway, keep up the good work – enjoyed your book and your posts. Thanks for creating a network of people that can share this uninvited journey.

    Greg

  7. Mick says:

    Thanks Kelly, I subscribed

    Not a day goes by I don’t think about getting the hell out of this city and job and just “lay low” in a small town/beach town. Nothing really seems to matter much anymore and sometimes I really hate myself for sticking with this BS life.
    Thanks

    • GrievingDads says:

      Mick – You and I are on the same page on both points. Small beach town sounds great. I too get very frustrated with myself for sticking with the rat race. Like I tell my wife, I know to much about stuff so I why do I live my life like nothing happened. Not sure, but I’m on a constant mission to change it. I hang on to the hope that I will.

      Peace.

      Kelly

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