“My Daddy’s Grief”

The following is a poem that was sent to me by a fellow grieving dad.  Great poem.  Can any of you relate?

MY DADDY’S GRIEF

If you ask my Dad how he feels?
He’ll probably be as quiet as the midnight air
Because of this horrible pain he tries to bare
And If you ask him and he just quietly sighs
Look harder, you’ll see the pain in his eyes
Even if he does happen to tell you he’s coping
Then that just surely means…….He is hoping?
If he happens to mutter out, I’m surviving today
Oh then trust me, you know he is really not Ok
He has been so very quiet since that awful day
It’s just so hard for him to find the words to say
He really thinks he has to be stronger than steel
But he is just very fragile, suffering this ordeal
He feels like he has to hide away all those tears
Just suck it all in, and show no one of his fears
I’m his child in heaven, and he’s hurting oh so bad
He gets up and goes every day, even though he’s sad
He watches my mommy cry and holds her oh so tight
He always tears up, but holds back with all of his might
If you ask, how are you today, and he says oh I’m just fine
He’s really not; he needs a hug, that’s definitely a sure sign
His heart is burdened with such terrible doubts often everyday
Please let him know, he didn’t let me down or fail in any way
I know he loves me very much and he thinks of me each day
But his poor heart is so broken, so please help him find a way
To find peace, comfort and a voice to shed his grief and pain
For without it, he cannot start to heal and lighten grief’s stain
Also tell him its ok to lose it, break down and shed those tears
Cause it takes more strength to cry, then to hold back the fears
I love you daddy, I’m always here with you, we’re never far apart
So for me, could you begin to heal and open back up your heart.

In Loving Memory of my Angel Boy, Matthew Hunter Vinson
Author JP Vinson
Written February 7, 2013

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This entry was posted in Crying, Death of a baby, Death of a Child, Death of a daughter, Death of a son, Emotions, Fear, Grief, Grieving Dads, Grieving Dads Words, Men's Grief, Men's Issues, Poem, Tears. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to “My Daddy’s Grief”

  1. andrew croft says:

    this is a beautiful poem which I,m going to read at the brief lives service tomorrow which we hold once a year for familys grieving the loss of a baby or infant.

  2. Jack says:

    I lost my daughter, Sarah, in a quad bike accident almost 8 years ago in New Zealand, she was on a working holiday for a year but she was only there 12 days before the accident. Every day is bad and I’m nut functioning normally and cannot see a time when I will,
    This is a beautiful poem

  3. Scott nieman says:

    My daughter died in a car crash seventeen months ago, I am so very sad, she was twenty six and full of life, I don’t know why she had to, I know it wasn’t her time Brittany Jo nieman.

    • GrievingDads says:

      Scott – I can hear and feel the sadness and pain in your words. I know this pain all to well and I am sorry that you have had to experience how profound the loss of a child is. I wish I could take away your pain brother, but we both know that’s not possible. What we can do is walk along with you on this journey. Know we are all here for you when you feel like the only one on this path.

      Peace.

      Kelly

  4. Lynn Kuhl says:

    This is such a beautiful poem. My stepson David died February 23, 2014. This is exactly how my husbad feels.

  5. Matt jackson says:

    Hi i know its a big ask but we are holding a christmas service for all the babies lost . We are producing a book of poetry to sell and all money wil go to sands . The poem above is so loverly and true that we would like to ask the owner if we could use it we would use the dedication and who wrote it and i would be happy to send a copy to them . Please could u ask if this is possible many thanks

  6. William. says:

    Welcome Sandra sorry about the loss of your son.

    Bill.
    U/K

  7. sandra gagnon says:

    I’m a grieving mother. Its heart warming to see you help grieving fathers. I lost a son and had to do it on my own. I was divorced by then. I did’nt get to share the grief with my ex obviously because he’s married. But I often wonder how he copes. I know I feel empty and never the same. I miss my son soo bad. He was 23. he took his life. I’m really missing him today. I feel emotional. I have a strong faith and believe i will see him again. But i hurt. I have a fb page for parents who have lost children. It’s my way of coping and sharing my thoughts and supporting other parents. And myself. Take good care and keep up the good work. Sincerely Sandra Gagnon Maple Ridge B.C.

  8. William. says:

    Firstly John I would like to offer my condolences for your loss of Alison. I believe Alison would be proud of her Fathers decision not to harm himself anymore with drink and that in it self should be and has motivated you to better health. God Bless.

    • Colin McF says:

      hey John,

      If serious about stopping drinking & start living there is lots of help bud, you have a rough road ahead of you but nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

      I have traveled that road for 24 years and well worth every step.
      I know 1 thing for sure & that is no drink or drug will ever fill the void left inside after Alyssa’s death.
      I wish all the father a little peace.

  9. John says:

    I must say that this poem came along at the opportune time. I don’t remember getting the email that said Kelly had posted this, but it’s quite possible I just blew it off. After all, a man has to be a man, right?

    Here’s a short bio of my background…born in 1957 and later surrounded with 2 brothers; “manning up” for your actions was not an option. When I was 22, I joined the Navy and spent the next 20 years in a male dominated environment.

    I met and married my wife in the Navy, and she was every bit as tough as me…she could dish it out as well as receive it. I’ll be humble here and admit that she was tougher than me. But with few exceptions, in the good marriages, the wife is usually the boss. 🙂

    We had our one and only child in 1986, a daughter that quickly became the light of my life. All things considered, (explained later), she turned into one hell of a beautiful person. She married a top-notch gentleman and began married life. When she got pregnant, we were ecstatic.

    Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse and they lost the baby to a miscarriage…a little more than a month later, she was gone.

    As the poem states, “I needed to be stronger than steel”. I needed to “suck it all in” and “show no one my fears”. I’ve done that for the past 3 years, and let me tell you, it’s exhausting. I have cried for my daughter endlessly in private, in front of my wife once, in front of the public, my coworkers, my friends, never. It’s who I am…but is it?

    I'[m sincerely sorry, but I’ll have to come back to this later. Real life interferes.

    • John says:

      When I said “all things considered” in the 4th paragraph above, I said I’d explain. Well, here it is…

      I am and have been an alcoholic for the past 40+ years of my life (I’m 55.) Obviously, I have regrets up the ying-yang, not the least of which is that I was never the FULL father I could’ve been to Allison, but I do feel that we raised a good, kind, and decent daughter.

      Why am I stating this now? Well, for one thing, I’m drinking my last beer. Within another day I will smoke my last cigarette. It’s time, and I need to state it publicly. My wife and I have had hours of conversation over this decision, but ultimately it’s me and me alone that can pull it off.

      The bottom line is that Allison’s death impacted both of us on so many levels. As has been amply stated throughout Kelly’s website, the death of a loved one is bad enough, but the death of a child touches one’s soul to a depth that is incomprehensible to someone that hasn’t experienced it. Cut and dried, to an alcoholic, it’s just one more excuse to drink…a lot…and I did…but it didn’t help.

      I have a lot of things going on in my life both personally and professionally. It took me a long time to realize that the only way I’m going to be able to achieve those goals is to stop drinking. The final nail in the coffin was Mr. Vinson’s poem. Although written from the perspective of a son, I heard my daughter talking to me. I shared it with my wife and we both started crying. We both agree that today is the day to climb back onto the train of life.

      I have no doubt that Matthew Hunter Vinson and Allison Marie Wolfe are looking down on us and smiling in approval. Thank you, JP! Know that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life!

      BTW…last beer gone!

  10. Stephen Nelson says:

    My ten year old son died ten years ago. Grief comes and goes for all, but for bereaved fathers, it is a companion who is always present. I ask and hope for grace to bear Jordan’s death and absence. The grace is sometimes with me. Jordan’s death and the grief has become integrated in a very complex way into my being. Thank you for sharing this poem and for sharing your heart.

  11. Colin McF says:

    Thank you for sharing this poem.
    My 18 year old daughter died just over 5 month ago, I know how you all feel.
    I have heard it said we are members of an elite club that nobody wants to join.

  12. Matt L says:

    Absolutely agree with this!

    I’m coming up on 2 years since my infant daughter passed away.

  13. Kevin Guthrie says:

    These words sum of up everything I go through everyday… I wake up to the sadness, I go to bed with the sadness… I start weeks and end weeks with it. There is no end to it all. I can’t add anything to this other than to say that author certainly knows what I know. God bless and keep you all who are dealing with something no parent should ever endure.

  14. Ashish says:

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful words. We lost our 7 yr old son Rohan 5 months ago and I just needed to read/hear these words.

  15. Luke says:

    Thanks for that poem. It is hard to let go and cry. Appreciate the time it took for you to write this down and the openness for you to publish it.

  16. Chris says:

    Wow, what a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing. I can certianly resonate with the author. Beautiful true words.

  17. Scott Neurohr says:

    2 1/2 years ago today we loss our 20 year old son Kyle and these words are still true to me each day.

    Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem and helping me see I’m not alone.

  18. Kevin Black says:

    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful

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